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In the fifties the media referred to it as “wife-swapping.” Today it’s called “swinging,” but not considering of its name this lifestyle seems to be escalating in recognition among mainstream, middle-aged married couples in America. The popular media are paying increasing interest to the fact, regularly putting a optimistic spin on the effects which swinging has upon relationships. The North American Swing Club Association (NASCA) claims there are structured swing clubs in more or less all states as well as Belgium, England, Germany, and Japan. These clubs are rewarding enterprises which provide all levels of group activities for swingers including vacation plans, special retreat sites for swingers, and annual conferences and seminars. Lifestyles, Inc., a swingers tour bureau, booked 700 couples at a resort in Jamaica in December of 1999.
What precisely is swinging? Dissimilar “open marriages” of the 1970’s which promoted non-possessive love and acceptance of unfaithfulness in their spouses, or “polyamory” - the love of numerous sex partners at once – swinging is non-monogamous sexual activity, treated a lot like any other social activity, that can be practiced as a couple. Emotional monogamy, or dedication to the love relationship with one’s marital partner, remains the primary focus. Swinging is usually done in the attendance of one’s spouse and requires the approval of both to the experience. Although swingers often become close friends with other swinging couples, there are rules restricting emotional involvement with non-spousal partners. While swinging involves having sex with people other than one’s spouse, its advocates claim that it enhances the relationship of the swinging couple both sexually and emotionally. By removing the secrecy and untruthfulness inherent in one’s natural wishes for sexual diversity, the couple can explore their fantasies mutually without cheating or guilt. By removing the necessity for cheating from the marriage, a brand new height of trust and honesty about all of one’s feelings is supposedly achieved without the negative baggage of envy.
Swinging as an alternative lifestyle is of both practical and scholarly importance because the challenge to mix sexual non-monogamy with emotional monogamy is deeply “unusual” from the western model of romantic love which assumes that sexual and emotional monogamy are reciprocally reinforcing and inseparable. It has yet to be demonstrated empirically whether this alternative lifestyle actually strengthens or weakens marital bonds, but in an era where 36% of husbands and 29% of wives, sometimes so-called hotwives confess to having had at least one extra-marital affair, where divorce rates for first marriages are approaching 62%, and where family insecurity and parental neglect of kids has become a major national concern, any effort to redefine “love” and strengthen the marital bond is worthy of our attention. If swingers have found a way to stabilize relationships, prolong family ties, and improve the lives of couples we would be remiss if we did not take their lifestyle and their redefinition of monogamous love seriously.
It is concluded that swingers surveyed are the white, middle-class, middle-aged, church-going section of the residents reported in earlier studies, but when it comes to attitudes about sex and marriage they are less racist, less sexist, and less heterosexist than the broad public. Swinging appears to make the vast majority of swingers’ marriages happier, and swingers rate the happiness of their marriages and life satisfaction commonly as higher than the non-swinging population.